The Drunken Monkey

     In Tantric Buddhism, every state of being is workable and every moment is an opening for practice, even the seemingly irreverent moments. Sometimes I imagine that my mind is a drunken monkey just stumbling around, hiccupping, and breaking things while drinking out of a moonshine jug. The closer it comes to the end of the year, the harder it becomes to focus on anything. The monkey in my mind just seems to get increasingly drunk, increasingly agitated rather than mellowed by his imbibing, and more adamant in its need for my attention. When tending to the drunken monkey of one’s mind, it takes a lot of focus and energy away from more productive endeavors. So, this week has been about sobering up my drunken monkey and trying to teach it to be self sufficient once sober.

     Sitting in meditation, the realization that the end of the year is so near seemed to grab me by the throat and choke me a little. Every turning of a season elicits the same response: fear, excitement, a sense of dread, and just a little panic while exploring some joyful anticipation of what's to come. Trying to meditate around those issues when my drunken monkey keeps sloshing around, waving its arms and trying to signal to me that there are so many other things I should be doing with this time, is a bit challenging. Trying to bring my focus back to the breath wasn’t working, so I started using visualizations that would alleviate the cause of my anxiety over time and aid me in accomplishing my work. If a thought or visual of me being frazzled and not accomplishing a task cropped up, I simply replaced it with the visual of my productivity and accomplishment. If a notion and vision of utter calamity or catastrophe popped up, I would go through the worst case scenario and realize that even the worst was still not quite so “bad,” then move on.

     Once I could get to place of rational understanding, it would become apparent that I would be able to survive even the worst case fallable, clumsy human scenario. However, I will admit that I am still attached to the idea of succeeding in my many endeavors. I’m not sure I want to challenge that attachment too vigorously just yet; that is one aspect of my mind I choose not to experiment with for now. I just want to voice that in my own mind, and in front of all of you, in case my Buddha nature happens to be listening and feeling playful.